night float

That's my title this month "night float." It's a lot like being Night Rider, except I don't get the cool car. Just kidding. It can be interesting. It can also feel quite overwhelming. For the first part of last night, my to do list just kept getting longer, and I wasn't sure when I would actually get something done. And sometimes things happen that get your adrenaline rushing, like patient's are really sick and you need to so something fast to make sure they get better rather than worse. It's kind of scary - but I'm learning.

I think I actually distance myself too much from the patients sometimes, like I know I don't have enough emotional energy for them all, so I try not to exert too much for any. That's not so good.

There was a young woman, 24 years old, who needed a procedure done, and I kept thinking she was so young and childlike. Then I learned that she was married and had a kid! omy! That made me feel old! It also made me think I might be mature enough to have a kid someday. I realize you don't have to pass a maturity test to bear and/raise a child, but it sort of seems like you should.

This is tangential because I've been up all night, then I went for a swim, and now I'm winding down so I can sleep. I think being up this much makes me feel dopey. Good thing I'm not at the hospital anymore.